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Illinois
Funny
Laws
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-You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at
least one dollar bill on your person.
-You must contact the police before entering the city in an
automobile.
-The English language is not to be spoken.
-All bachelors should be called master, not mister, when
addressed by their female counterparts.
-It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
-The official language of Illinois is "American".
-It is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply
shaving cream to a customer's face.
-You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable
by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of
"eavesdropping" on your own conversation.
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Illinois
City Laws
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Carbondale:
-No one may stand on the sidewalk on the 500 block of Illinois
Ave.
Champaign:
-One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
Chicago:
-It's illegal to serve liquor to the feeble-minded.
-All businesses entering into contracts with the city must
sift through their records and report any business they had
dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.
-It is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
-Women over 200 pounds (90 kilos) to ride horses in shorts.
-Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
-It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
-People who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or
"otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are
banned from going out in public.
-It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a deer's antlers.
-Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
-In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a
bucket while sitting on the curb.
-It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as
you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
Cicero:
-Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
Crete:
-It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's
dog.
-Cars may not be driven through the town.
Crystal Lake:
-If one wishes to plant new sod in his or her yard in the
summer months, that person may not use the city's water to
water it.
Des Plaines:
-Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
Eureka:
-A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
Evanston:
-Bowling is forbidden.
-It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the
curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
Fairfield:
-It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county
boundries from sundown to sunrise.
Freeport:
-It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
Galesburg:
-No person may keep a smelly dog.
-It is illegal to burn bird feathers.
-Jostling others is illegal.
-No bicyclist may practice "fancy riding" on any
city street.
-There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball
bats.
Glen Carbon:
-You need a permit to use a athletic field with lights.
Horner:
-It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a
law enforcement officer.
Joliet:
-Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their
town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk
know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it
Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
Kenilworth:
-A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any
residence if he wishes to crow.
Kirkland:
-Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any
of Kirkland's streets.
Manteno:
-You cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie
"upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of
any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or
assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or
parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any
light or air shaft, court or areaway."
Minoola:
-It's illegal to take your clothes off and "expose the
naked."
Moline:
-Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June
and August is prohibited.
-There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd
Avenue.
Morton Grove:
-You may not own a handgun.
Normal:
-It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
Oblong:
-It's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing
on your wedding day.
Orland Park:
-No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because
it supports gambling.
Ottawa:
-Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
Park Ridge:
-Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
Peoria:
-Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.
Rushville:
-City council doesn't have a quorum
Springfield:
-"Dwarf-tossing," is outlawed in bars.
Urbana:
-It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate
limits of Urbana.
Zion:
-It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs,
cats, or any other domesticated animals.
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